John S. Wolfe

How much should you share?

When it’s just about you, most people are pretty open about what they’re thinking, what they’re doing and who they’re with. They are posting items on the World Wide Web, for gosh sakes.

But what happens when you introduce a spouse, a boyfriend or your children into the experience?

That was the subject of a panel discussion at the Sept. 30 Social Media Club of Phoenix event at the Hotel Valley Ho in Scottsdale.

Guests also had the chance to interact with the founder of the Social Media Club organization, Chris Heuer of San Francisco, who served as emcee.

Chris Heuer, founder of the national Social Media Club network, outlines the group’s priorities.

The panel comprised four unique vantage points:

• C.J. Feierabend, the MightMommy blogger of young children.
• Derek Neighbors, the Chandler entrepreneur behind the Gangplank technology cooperative and a parent with teens.
• Keagan Pearson, founder of the FatherhoodFactor blog, with young kids.
• Lesley Hettinger, assistant manager for Chevrolet Communications, and in a relationship. (She is active in promoting Chevy’s new Cruze compact, one of which was on display at the event.)

Each person has his own level of comfort.

Pearson tries to be quite open and honest on the issues facing fathers but he limits clues that might identify his children.

“It’s a common theme: Should we use names?” he said. He is reluctant, concerned that parents may be making a decision for the child that is better left to the individual when he or she comes of age.

Feierabend seconded that approach. She advocates using the privacy tools available on social-media websites to restrict access to one’s information.

“But I still don’t like the name of the school in the background,” she said. “And I don’t ‘check in’ at school.”

Hettinger realized how quickly information travels when she changed her Facebook status to in a relationship. Her co-workers mentioned if she had any concerns about sharing that she was dating a fellow GM employee.

It turned out OK but it was a bit of a wake-up call.

They also encourage parents to educate their children about the Internet.

“Kids get into the networked world a lot easier now,” Feierabend said. “And they don’t get that the world is watching.”

“Girls can get pretty catty with each other,” she added. “But now those words stick around for 20 hours.”

The group also discussed the recent incident at Rutgers, in which a student was unknowingly videotaped with a partner by his roommate. The roommate broadcast it on the Web and tweeted about it. The student ended up committing suicide by jumping off a bridge in New York City.

“The kid (doing the videotaping) didn’t grasp it,” Heuer said. “He didn’t intend that result.”

But when you’re dealing with teens, privacy and reputations, bad things can happen.

Feierabend urges parents to make teens aware of the YouTube site ItGetsBetter.com.

For parents of pre-teens, Pearson recommends having a gameplan. Be aware of what’s out there and set boundaries.

Heuer shared one idea that Facebook accounts are “our” accounts, not the teen’s. They should be connected so that there are no secrets.

But what if your child “unfriends” you?

Neighbors offered that you might want to create a fictitious account with an attractive teenage boy and “friend” her that way.

In all seriousness, when something like that happens, it’s a signal that the parent and child need to talk out the issue.

Both Neighbors and Feierabend said it’s easy for both parents and children to get lost in the connected world. Don’t.

“Go outside. Meet with people,” she said. “Don’t let it replace your relationships.”

The Social Media Club of Phoenix panel comprised, from left, C.J. Feierabend, Derek Neighbors, Keagan Pearson, and Lesley Hettinger.